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Description:
"Don't you just hate waiting in line for hours for a 60-second ride only to have some bullies cut in line ahead of you? Not much you can do about it, but just once you wish these thugs would get what's coming to them. Elliott and Gloria Cooper encounter two of these bullies at the amusement park. Personally, I just love a happy ending."
So, as you can see this story takes place entirely in a theme park line. But wait, it's interesting, really! He shows off his Sherlock-esque abilities by calculating how many people could get on the ride in the estimated 90 minute wait period in his head! Damn, this guy is like a human. What, you thought I was gonna say something after that, like, "human calculator?" No. I think we all learned to multiply in grade school, right? At least I did, so give me my fucking private investigation license!
But THEN you REALLY see his detective skills when the bullies cut in line and they're all like, "What? You wanna say something?" And the detective's all like, "It's okay, better not make trouble, just let them go." And his lady friend is all like, "No way, you can't cut in line!" and then he's like, "Trust me, I'm a detective, I know that the best way to deal with assholes is to meekly stand aside." So they do.
But THEN you REALLY see his detective skills when the bullies cut in line and they're all like, "What? You wanna say something?" And the detective's all like, "It's okay, better not make trouble, just let them go." And his lady friend is all like, "No way, you can't cut in line!" and then he's like, "Trust me, I'm a detective, I know that the best way to deal with assholes is to meekly stand aside." So they do.
And then wouldn't you know it, the cutting bastards get on and the ride operator stops the line right at our two protagonists. Just their luck! You'd have to be a detective or something to see that coming!
But then the ride malfunctions and the two assholes crash to the ground. Karma! And then the detective is all, "What? You wanna say something?" Oh SNAP!
Case closed.
Ratings:
But then the ride malfunctions and the two assholes crash to the ground. Karma! And then the detective is all, "What? You wanna say something?" Oh SNAP!
Case closed.
Ratings:
Actual Detective Work: 0 out of 5. What the hell? I had my doubts about this story when it was only like six pages long. I was like, "Maybe he solves the mystery really fast?" and then I thought the ride might malfunction and the detective be like, "You see, because of the weight ratio of blah blah I'm super smart," and I was prepared to be like, "What a dick!" But in reality he just didn't stand up for himself and then he mocked someone that got seriously injured. Way to go? Jesus.
Narcissism: 5 out of 5. I kept getting confused about the point of view because every once in a while there would be a "me" or an "I" thrown in randomly. Then I realized this guy wrote the story in first person and then failed to change it all to third person. And this is the 75th time he's done this, so he obviously gets off on being the detective type (oh, AND he sucks at editing). Fine, but in this story the detective tries to impress a lady with mental math and then the guys who he is too scared to stand up to are taken away in ambulances by fate. Obviously Bill just went to a theme park, got mad at the "bullies" who got on the ride in front of him, and took out his revenge the good ol' fashioned nerd way--with his imagination! "*MAGIC MISSILE* DOOOSHH"
Morality: 0 out of 5. First, I have to point out that the two main characters saw the employee entrance and regretted not noticing it before because they could have cut in line themselves. Then, when a guy is taken away in an ambulance with a broken neck they're like, "HAW HAW!" I know I keep harping on that point, and private investigators aren't exactly known for having scruples, but what the fuck is the moral of this story? It should be, "Don't be so harsh on people because their assholery could be a blessing in disguise." Instead it's, "FUCK BULLIES!" YEAH! If you don't believe me, check out where he brags about how much he got those suckers in the description: "Personally, I just love a happy ending." Hahahahaha, yeah, those fucking dicks will probably never walk again after this one!
Overall: 1.5 out of 5. I try to counteract the negativity of my reviews by saying at least one thing I liked about each story. What I liked about this story was
If you would also like to be at a loss for words, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall
Morality: 0 out of 5. First, I have to point out that the two main characters saw the employee entrance and regretted not noticing it before because they could have cut in line themselves. Then, when a guy is taken away in an ambulance with a broken neck they're like, "HAW HAW!" I know I keep harping on that point, and private investigators aren't exactly known for having scruples, but what the fuck is the moral of this story? It should be, "Don't be so harsh on people because their assholery could be a blessing in disguise." Instead it's, "FUCK BULLIES!" YEAH! If you don't believe me, check out where he brags about how much he got those suckers in the description: "Personally, I just love a happy ending." Hahahahaha, yeah, those fucking dicks will probably never walk again after this one!
Overall: 1.5 out of 5. I try to counteract the negativity of my reviews by saying at least one thing I liked about each story. What I liked about this story was
If you would also like to be at a loss for words, visit amazon.com/author/a.c.blackhall
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